I was in the check out line at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina One Salmon & Tuna flavored cat chow for Daisy the other day. Some young woman in line behind me popping her gum (the cheerleader-type) asked, "Oh, do you have a cat?" (Uh, duh!!!)
I guess I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her, "Nope. I'm starting the Purina Cat Chow Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’ll probably end up in the hospital in a coma like last time. I lost about 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my bodily orifices and IV’s in both arms."
The young lady stopped texting her friend and her eyes about bugged out of her head. "Oh, are you okay now!?"
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina Cat Chow nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I explained to her that the package said the food is "nutritionally complete" so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind the pom-pom girl.)
Now horrified, the young lady asked if the cat food I had eaten before had been recalled or if something in the cat food had poisoned me or something and if that was why I ended up in the hospital?
I said no. . . and then I explained that I’d been running around in the street with a bell around my neck trying to catch a butterfly when a truck hit me!!!
(I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.)
